Pre-Teens

Where has my sweet, angelic boy gone and WHO is this sullen, pouty, mouthy smart ass that has taken his place?!?!?
Lately it seems as if every day is a battle between my 10 year old son, Nathan, and I. Every day is one heated argument after another. Every situation is grounds for bargaining. Every chore he's told to do is answered with a glowering stare, an exasperated sigh, or (gasp!) the rolling of his eyes. When I confront him about his attitude, he swears up and down he's "not doing anything", or "not trying to have an attitude". His stepfather, Demetrius, is at his wit's end as well. Normally Nathan responds well to him, but lately he responds to sternness with more attitude and sulleness. Frankly, I've been exhausted and, I'm ashamed to admit, feeling a bit defeated. Of course God can handle anything....but sometimes I wonder if He knew what He was doing when He created The Pre-Teen and Teenage Years!! Or perhaps He just has a warped sense of humor....(no offense, Lord!)
Now, don't get me wrong, Nathan is a terrific kid and I couldn't be more proud of him. He's survived an abusive (and now absentee) father, only to emerge a responsible boy with a deep sense of protection for his younger siblings (especially Nessa). This is a child who takes great lengths to protect those he loves. Last year when she was hurt on the playground, his friends came and told him. He ended up going to her playground and walked her to the nurse as she cried over a skinned knee. He's even gone as far as telling a friend to "shut the hell up" because he wouldn't stop teasing Nessa. He is wonderful with Donovan and honestly, I don't know what we would do without him. There are some days when no one can comfort little DJ but his big brother.

SO, like I asked before, Where has my sweet, angelic boy gone and WHO is this sullen, pouty, mouthy smart ass that has taken his place?!?!?
We tried grounding, more chores, more grounding, speaking to him in a stern, loud voice (which was more often than not).....but nothing seemed to put a dent in his attitude. I was beginning to feel quite defeated and at a loss of how to handle these situations....until yesterday.
Yesterday I went online to ccvonline (my old church) and found some parenting tips. I found a few Bible verses that I've known for years but had somehow forgotten during this slightly difficult time.
"A gentle answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger." - Proverbs 15:1
" Fathers do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and isntruction of the Lord." - Ephesians 6:4
And my favorite.....
" Parents don't come down too hard on your children or you'll crush their spirits." - Colossians 3:21
So I began to wonder if maybe his attitude was only a reflection of our attitudes. Enlightenment began to dawn upon me and it wasn't exactly as refreshing as I had hoped. It was a bit more guilt ridden than I would have liked.
I decided to test it a bit.
Yesterday I took Nathan and Donovan with me to my doctor's appointment. We talked about everything for the first time in quite a while. I mean, we normally talk, but he was so open yesterday. I asked him a multitude of questions that I had never thought to ask before...what's his favorite color (red and blue), what's his favorite song (doesn't really have one but used to be Headstrong), who does he "like" in school (a girl named Sidney)...so on and so forth. I asked him about his school classes and he told me about each class....what he does on the playground, what he had for breakfast and lunch, how his first band practice went (he plays the flute!). We talked about his best friend, Hannah (who he's known since Kindergarten), who he thinks likes him more than a friend but won't admit it since he likes Sidney. It was an AWESOME conversation. I didn't judge or critisize or make suggestions about anything (not that I usually do, LOL). I talked to him as a friend, not just "his mom".
And you know what????
He did not have one ounce of attitude THE WHOLE DAY!! I helped him with his homework (which, let me tell you, is usually another battle in itself) and not one complaint from him. He did his chores and helped out more than he was asked to. It was really and truly a GREAT day with him.
Now, not to say that was a magic cure-it-all....but I wonder how often our children just need us to talk to them, like real people. And how often are our attitudes and behaviors picked up by them??
It's easy to forget that our children come to us as blank slates.....and it's up to us to fill them up with goodness and kindness and lots of Godly love. In the end, they of course make their own decisions and choose their own paths...
But we can at least start them off in the right direction with a kind word, some patience, lots of love, and God's word.
LOVE you all,
~Rach~
Ps....We'll see how far into the Teenage Years this carries us....~LOL~