Dear Grammy...

Dear Grammy,

It's been a while since we've last chatted so I thought maybe we could spend a little time to catch up on things.
We had the baby shower a couple weeks ago & I really missed having you there. Aunt Polly was there, though, & for some reason, that eased the sting of missing you. Aunt Polly, the sweetest woman on Earth besides you & Aunt Ruth, was wonderful. She did all the things you would have done, had you been there. I thanked her for being there & we both agreed on how much we really & truly miss you.
I can hardly believe it's almost been a year. None of us were ready or prepared for to let you go so soon, as much as we wanted to believe we were. I originally wanted to write you this letter on April 6th, the 1 yr anniversary, but as it turns out Dominic is scheduled to arrive April 5th. Go figure!
It tugs at my heart to face the realization that you won't be here to hold Dominic when he arrives, or to smile that beautiful smile of yours at him, or to tell me I did a "great job". It's been painful to go through the rough patches of parenthood with Nathan & not be able to call you up & get some much needed wisdom. Everywhere I look lately, I see pieces of you & my heart aches as much as it did almost a year ago.
So, Nathan is now playing flag football and he's doing pretty good. He enjoys it, it makes him feel good & man can that boy run! ;) Vanessa is blossoming into a young lady, which terrifies me just a little! Still trying to adjust to her needing to wear a training bra of all things. Donovan is starting speech therapy tomorrow and then preschool on April 15th. Preschool! Can you believe that?? They grow so fast, it's like trying to catch dandelions in the wind!
Grammy, I have to admit that it's been really hard to let you go. Part of me resists it, stubbornly refusing to acknowledge that you're really gone. Sometimes I drive by your old house & just the other day I even took a picture. Of course, it looks utterly & completely lonely & desolate without your presence. I don't want to have to move on. I want to dial your number & hear your voice answer the phone; I want to knock on your door & greet you with a hug; I want you to rag on me to get things done when I procrastinate; I want one last picture of you & me with Dominic in your arms.
But I know you're in a MUCH better place, one without sickness & pain or tears & death. So how can I be so selfish to really wish you back into our world?? I know you're happy up there, with your daughter & brother & parents & old friends...and of course, with Jesus. I hope He's been giving you my messages...all too often I send him a quick prayer asking him to let you know how much I love & miss you.
For those of us left behind, we'll do our best to carry on your memory, wisdom & love.
And on Dominic's Big Day, I know you'll be peeking down from up above, smiling & blowing him kisses.

I love you, Grammy.

Always & forever,

Rach